Whose idea was it to set aside one day in the year where imbeciles have the entire day to make everyone around them suffer with pranks?  In my opinion (and unfortunately, in my experience), pranks go hand in hand with bodily harm, and I’m all about staying as far away from a hospital as possible.  But how do I get people to understand that I mean business and that they better not mess with me?  My solution: studs.  Anything studded reminds me of bad ass biker babes, so I have found a few items that I will have by next year so that I will be good and ready.  And to the jerkfaces who think that stealing my sandwich out of the staff refrigerator is comedy gold, I have 25 words for you: we have cameras in the building and I can ask Grounds to bring me the tapes of the lunchroom in order to catch you thieves.

Above: Studs & Pleats Suspenders $80, by Noy Keomeuangsong at www.ustrendy.com

Above, Angie Studded Double Knit Romper $96 available at www.sacredheartcollections.com

Above, Chocolate Brown Asymetric Leather Belt by Kasia Szafraniec, $140 at etsy.com

Now I know this belt only has one stud, but it doesn’t really take much to scare off people who only pull pranks once a year – on a day that is reserved for pranks.